Friday, August 03, 2007

5 Most Overrated American Players

I got a good laugh reading this one. For the sake of the original writer, I hope they don't run into Gooch in a dark alley late at night.

The 5 most overrated US soccer players

5. Brian Ching - Watching Ching play is like watching tree sap solidify. He's so slow he wouldn't even be a half decent international squad's water boy. They would all die of dehydration by the time he got water to them.

4. Taylor Twellman - Slower than Ching and less skilled on the ball. If it wasn't for his Revolution teammate, Pat Noonan, he'd probably be in USL-2 and working part time at a doughnut shop.

3. Landon Donovan - He's fast, compared to the two above, the Mexican squad, and most of the MLS, and sure, he's decent on the ball, but I can easily, off the top of my head, name a hundred players in the world I'd take over him at midfield. Oh, I forgot, he's a great penalty-taker. For fuck's sake.

2. Gooch - He's basically an American football player trying to be a European footballer. Absolutely no skill and all athletic ability. Only a moron would take him over Jay Demerit.

1. Eddie Johnson - He's not even a good poacher. The real reason he turned down Derby is because he's a typical ball-less US soccer player. Speed? Yes. Skill? Seriously? I doubt he can even spell it.


Old Soccer Guy said...

Can I add numbers six and seven? #6: Ante Razov. I remember when he spouted off about heading to Europe for a career. That didn't turn out too well. I think he would make a good left flank player on a foosball table. He's great at hitting stationary balls with his left foot.

No. 7: Chris Albright. With some hard work he could very well become the next Ante Razov.

Anonymous said...

Seems right to me.

I think I'd think about putting Bocanegra on there though. He's a great attacking defender who can't defend.

George said...

so who's the original writer?
curious george
FC Rocky

Anonymous said...

yawn . . .

so are you all a bunch of bitter USL fans?