I got a good laugh reading this one. For the sake of the original writer, I hope they don't run into Gooch in a dark alley late at night.
5. Brian Ching - Watching Ching play is like watching tree sap solidify. He's so slow he wouldn't even be a half decent international squad's water boy. They would all die of dehydration by the time he got water to them.
4. Taylor Twellman - Slower than Ching and less skilled on the ball. If it wasn't for his Revolution teammate, Pat Noonan, he'd probably be in USL-2 and working part time at a doughnut shop.
3. Landon Donovan - He's fast, compared to the two above, the Mexican squad, and most of the MLS, and sure, he's decent on the ball, but I can easily, off the top of my head, name a hundred players in the world I'd take over him at midfield. Oh, I forgot, he's a great penalty-taker. For fuck's sake.
2. Gooch - He's basically an American football player trying to be a European footballer. Absolutely no skill and all athletic ability. Only a moron would take him over Jay Demerit.
1. Eddie Johnson - He's not even a good poacher. The real reason he turned down Derby is because he's a typical ball-less US soccer player. Speed? Yes. Skill? Seriously? I doubt he can even spell it.